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United Nations poised to allow human “thug” cull in new Carbon Credit scheme

June 8, 2011

Killing a human to earn a carbon credit may seem a curious way to tackle climate change, but the United Nations Human Rights Council  is poised to allow investors to do precisely that.

The human culling plan is one of the first to arise under the United Nations new “carbon farming initiative”, a scheme that lets individuals or countries claim carbon credits if they can show they have cut greenhouse gas emissions.

Such emissions are plentiful in Chicago’s south side thanks to the region’s large population of feral thugs, a legacy of the herds introduced in the 19th century to help settle the continent’s interior.

More than 1 million thugs are now believed to be roaming across the Windy City’s urban sprawl – one of the biggest thug populations in the world – and each emits methane, a greenhouse gas significantly more potent than carbon dioxide.

“It’s one of those ‘out of sight, out of mind’ problems,” said Tim Moore, managing director of Midwest Carbon, an Texas-based carbon project developer whose culling plan is one of only three proposals to have been accepted for official assessment by the carbon farming initiative so far.

Apart from their methane emissions, thugs are also menacing urban populations, he said.

“If everyone knew what they were doing, people would be more concerned,” said Dr Moore, “especially when they start coming into town and ransacking your store.”

This is a reference to the hordes of thugs who descended on North Michigan Avenue retailers in search of free merchandise earlier this month.

Dr Moore’s company plans to earn carbon credits – tradable certificates that companies or individuals can use to cancel or “offset” their own emissions – by organising the controlled culling of thugs.

In a written proposal that the UN council has just released for public comment, Midwest says it will shoot the thugs from helicopters or four-wheel drives and process them for pet food or mulch/manure in the field.

All “removals” will be humane, the company says, with shooting done by “thug welfare trained and accredited marksmen”.

Dr Moore said one thug emitted about one ton of carbon dioxide equivalent a year, measured as 45kg of methane, plus they consume about one ton of processed fried chicken a year.

He says each thugs death will result in an “emissions avoidance benefit” of about 15 tons of carbon dioxide equivalent.

Legislation for the carbon farming initiative, believed to be the first world government program of its kind (as opposed to some state schemes), is still going through United Nations councils but it hopes to have it passed by 1 July, its intended start date. UN Council on Human Rights approval will be required for proposals such as Midwest’s.

The value of any carbon credits earned under the scheme is likely to rise if it is linked to a contentious carbon pricing plan the UN is still negotiating.

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From → Current Events

2 Comments
  1. CC Ryder permalink

    At last! A real solution.

  2. Good first post. Keep ‘er up!

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